Author Topic: In My Father's Footsteps  (Read 20034 times)

Offline warthog81

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Re: In My Father's Footsteps
« Reply #90 on: February 26, 2011, 02:34:05 PM »
Superb

Offline Tamer

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Re: In My Father's Footsteps
« Reply #91 on: February 26, 2011, 07:14:26 PM »
I am loving the sound of the green fire that seems to surround Luke. I am wondering how you are gonna pull that off on a custom Luke!

Offline CaptainLux

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Re: In My Father's Footsteps
« Reply #92 on: February 26, 2011, 07:29:19 PM »
This is really awesome!

Offline Phatty

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Re: In My Father's Footsteps
« Reply #93 on: February 27, 2011, 10:00:08 AM »
Thanks everyone!  This last chapter was a short one due to time, but I'd rather get something up there than nothing!

Offline Phatty

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Re: In My Father's Footsteps
« Reply #94 on: February 27, 2011, 08:14:48 PM »
     The robed figure sat alone at the bottom of a hill, motionless except for the rhythmic rise and fall of his chest while he inhaled the calm and peace of the Force, all while exhaling the turmoil and strife of the Universe around him.  His emerald green tunic hung heavy over his chocolate brown clothing, topped by the silvery hair that surrounded his head.  Obi-Wan had aged well since his last days as a Jedi Master for the Republic, Jedi General to the Clone Armies.  Now, he was a fugitive from the Imperial Dictatorship that was the product of machinations devised by the Sith Lord Darth Sidious, better known throughout the galaxy as Emperor Palpatine.  His apprentice and enforcer, Darth Vader, spreads fear and misery throughout the Empire, was once better known as Anakin Skywalker, Hero of the Clone Wars, The Chosen One, and Obi-Wan's own best friend and apprentice.  The Jedi Order failed Anakin with their old ways of detachment and uncaring.  That long held belief was the sole catalyst that resulted in the fall of the Republic and the end of Galactic Democracy.  Obi-Wan opened his eyes and stared out over the verdant fields, his mood darkening.  He often thought of his old friend, and almost always resulted in feelings of a pain and sorrow.  The old Jedi teachings said that such feelings led to the Dark Side of the Force.  Obi-Wan used to believe that whole-heartedly, because he didn't know any better.  But life had taught him much harsher, clearer lessons than what the Jedi Code preached.  The Universe wasn't black-and-white like the Jedi and Sith would lead you to believe.  The Force was not absolute, not pure, in any which way.  Obi-Wan stood and exhaled forcefully, purging the anger and misery from his soul in a great, exalted push.  Life wasn't all about negative reflection and dwelling on what once was for Obi-Wan.  He had a purpose in his life, a very important one at that.  With most of the Jedi slain after Order 66, the task was his to bring about the resurrection of the Jedi Order.  He was tasked with bringing about the change to the Jedi that would prevent such travesties from occurring ever again.  The lesson was not one of bitterness, but one of enlightenment.  Not only did Obi-Wan have a greater understanding of the Unifying Force, but he had under his tutelage one of the single most powerful Force users born in a millennia.  The Son of Skywalker was possibly more powerful than his father ever was, and that was saying something.  One day, he would have to tell Luke of his family's existence, but for now it was best to continue his training without that knowledge.  Obi-Wan hated keeping that history from his apprentice, but Luke needed to remain focused.
     The Empire drew near, probably four or five clicks away, assembling their forces.  He was ready to face his old friend and current nemesis, Darth Vader, for the final time.  By the end of today's battle, one of them would become one with the Force.  He had no premonitions, no foresight of the battle to come, but he was as certain of it's final outcome as he was that the twin suns of Tatooine would rise daily.  Obi-Wan strode across the fields towards his battle regiment of Rebels.  A ragged bunch, culminated from races across two dozen star systems, all in hopes of toppling the Empire and returning peace and prosperity to the Galaxy.  Bith and Correlians, Bothans and Coruscanti, Mon Calamari and Nubian, all bound together in arms, eagerly putting aside their differences in politics to accomplish the same goal.
     "General Kenobi, the men are assembled and they have their orders.  At your word, they'll follow you to the gates of Hell," said Commander Coleman, a female from Naboo who was rumored to have a direct blood tie to the Amidalla family.  Most of the population of Naboo were eradicated after the rise of the Empire, and there weren't many records left from the planet.  While Commander Coleman bared no resemblance to Padme, there was a fire in her eyes that reminded him of her greatly.  She never brought it up, and he never asked, they just continued to fight side by side to try and put things right.  "What are your orders, General?"
     "Have the battalion take defensive positions around the camp and await my orders.  We will be the last push against the assault and will wait on Luke and Mara's words.  No matter what happens, if Darth Vader enters the battle field, he will be mine alone, no interference.  Do I make myself clear?"
     "Perfectly, General.  I'll prepare the men," responded Coleman with a salute.  The woman turned and marched back to her troops and began to spout orders.  Without batting an eyelash or hesitating for even a nanosecond, the troops followed her orders to the letter and scrambled to comply.  Obi-Wan admired her ability to command her troops.  Blood relative or not, there was definitely a resemblance to Padme Amidala in her.
     Obi-Wan donned his robe and hooked his lightsaber to his belt and took one last look at his tent.  He felt very strongly that it would be the last time he would lay in that tent, and yet that thought brought him peace.  He turned away for the last time and strode up the hill, his velvety brown robe, worn with age, billowed behind him. 
     The Empire had arrived, and with them, Darth Vader.  The time to right the wrongs had come.

Offline Tamer

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Re: In My Father's Footsteps
« Reply #95 on: February 27, 2011, 08:28:38 PM »
Oh yeah, cmon Obi this time you can win!

I am wondering if perhaps Yoda will make an appearance and just how in the heck are the Rebels gonna take on those Walkers.

I can't wait to see how this turns out. You have me hooked Pat ole boy. I sure hope the next few days and weeks give you some time to pen more of this.

Offline Phatty

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Re: In My Father's Footsteps
« Reply #96 on: February 27, 2011, 09:07:49 PM »
I'm going to try and tackle the end of this story in several, small chapters through the eyes of the various combatants.  That way, I should be able to get more done at a quicker pace.

Offline Tamer

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Re: In My Father's Footsteps
« Reply #97 on: February 28, 2011, 01:41:00 PM »
I'm going to try and tackle the end of this story in several, small chapters through the eyes of the various combatants.  That way, I should be able to get more done at a quicker pace.

Wow, I like the sound of that too.

Offline wraithnine

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Re: In My Father's Footsteps
« Reply #98 on: February 28, 2011, 06:16:39 PM »
i love this story  the superb quality of the writing shines thru ,its an awesome story and phatty should feel justly proud.
R.I.P. The Clone Wars line ..Hasbro you are ..idiots
good riddance to Movie Heroes...
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Offline hangarbay94

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Re: In My Father's Footsteps
« Reply #99 on: February 28, 2011, 08:03:48 PM »
Pat, your story is simply stunning. Reading through the chapters I have become more and more involved. I have to admit, I wasn't sure how this would work, especially Leia turning to the dark side, but you are pulling it off wonderfully.

These last two chapters are a prelude to something big, and I can just feel the tension growing. I also loved the part where you described Obi Wan's feelings towards the Jedi and Sith, saying that there was no Black or White. That is very profound, the character has seen his comrades slaughtered and the Sith rise to absolute power, it must have had an effect on him. The way you summed up his feelings was perfectly and cleverly put.  Just adding that little moment was a stoke of genius.

I am constantly amazed at the skill at which you describe scenes and observe characters, with every new part you add something wonderful, a thought or action that makes me think "pure class"

Finally, I've noticed Clawbird and Rancor Squadrons being mentioned, very cool indeed, and a wonderful nod to the X-Wing graphic novel.

I am really looking forward to reading what happens next.
« Last Edit: March 01, 2011, 03:03:52 AM by hangarbay94 »

Offline Phatty

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Re: In My Father's Footsteps
« Reply #100 on: March 01, 2011, 07:49:08 PM »
Jules, while I am grateful for each and every comment, good or bad, that is made about my work here, I especially treasure yours.  You break down the elements of my story and seem to get every nuance I'm trying to put in there.  Things like Obi-Wan's new attitude towards the Force, is a necessary focus of the story, even if only in that one small chapter, for the exact reasons you said.  I'm not out to rewrite the Star Wars we all grew up with, but to re-envision it, taking one small part of the story and skewing off into an alternate dimension. 

With that said, the reason Clawbird and Rancor Squadrons are in there is because your stories are just as well written and put together, and why shouldn't they cross over at all? 

To everyone who has read and commented on my story, thank you for your feedback!  It keeps me motivated to continue to write this!

Offline hangarbay94

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Re: In My Father's Footsteps
« Reply #101 on: March 02, 2011, 07:17:50 AM »
Pat,

Granted that the movies have a special place in my heart, but as a reader of  Star Wars books I've found that once you move away from the movies and into written fiction that's when things get really interesting.  Your words allow the reader to feel as well as see what is going on, it is a wonderful experience. 

Jules






Offline Clonehead

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Re: In My Father's Footsteps
« Reply #102 on: March 02, 2011, 09:54:41 AM »
Your descriptions of what Obi Wan sees and feels are very vivid, Pat. One of the great things about this type of writing style is the way a reader visualizes the way a story is presented and what is going on within the plot of the story.  The broader the imagination of the reader, the greater the mental image.

I believe that your skills advance with each excerpt.

Offline Phatty

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Re: In My Father's Footsteps
« Reply #103 on: May 10, 2011, 07:17:47 PM »
     Jedi Master Mara Jade stood among the tall trees on the outskirts of what is to become a battlefield of epic proportions.  Her job in this battle was clear, and while she didn't like it, nor did she trust the outcome, General Kenobi gave the orders, and she would not disappoint him.  She commanded only a trio of sharpshooting snipers, clad in camouflaged armor and sporting the latest in long-range ballistics.  She felt the cold shudder of the Dark Side wash over her as Darth Leia approached.  With her was the target, the former Rebel and current lackey of the Sith Witch.  While it was not in her nature to feel joy at the thought of the death of another, nor was it a belief of the Light Side, she felt the eagerness and anticipation of her soldiers as they all hoped to be the one to take down the woman who has slain more Rebels than any other.
     "Snipers, ready your weapons, our quarry approaches," ordered Jade.  "Take separate positions so as to split their focus once the shooting begins.  You'll all have only one shot at this, and then you are to retreat to the preplanned location immediately and without looking back.  I shall remain behind to cover your escape and then I'll follow.  Should I fall, you are not to come to my aid.  Is this understood?"
   "Yes General," said the three sharpshooters in unison.  With that, they dispersed to their designated positions, readying their weapons and adjusting their sights according to wind direction and speed.  They were the absolute best snipers in the entire Rebellion, aside from the former Rebel Thena Skyblade, and Mara had faith that they'd carry out their directives.
     Mara took the time to kneel in the tall grasses and fall into a shallow meditation.  Through the Force, she set a proximity alert so as not to be taken by surprise.  She stretched out through the Force and calmed herself.  She was not happy with the part she was asked to play in this battle. She preferred to stand side by side where her troops, facing Darth Leia at the blade.  Instead, she was part of a hit and run tactic that she felt was unnecessary.  Her red hair flowed easily in the breeze, tickling her face as it danced in the wind.  Her chest rose and fell rhythmically, calm and serene.  Her porceline skin shone in the sunlight, its rays glistening off her rosy cheeks.  Mara had heard many whispers from others of how beautiful she was, though she'd never agree with that.  She was a Jedi, and such ideals were of no consequence to her.  While the New Jedi Order, under guidance from Master Kenobi allowed such things as relationships, Mara still felt that the was of the Old Jedi were more appropriate, and she had no thought of such inconsequential thoughts such as her looks. 
     She was awoken from her meditation by the Force, she could feel the footsteps of the approaching hoard of Imperial Troops.  She stood on her feet and slunk deeper into the treeline, shrouding herself in the Force. 

******************************************************************************************************************************************************

     Darth Leia could feel the Jedi in the area, and it excited her.  She had longed to fight Jedi, for it had been too long since she last murdered one with her blade.  Rebels were a nuisance, easy to kill and no match for her prowess in both skilled combat and the Force.  The thought of crossing blades with a Jedi Master made her skin tingle and put a wicked smile across her black glossed lips.  Beside her, Smashbolt strode with purpose.  Her Right Hand was armed to the teeth, carrying both of her DL-44 blasters and other armaments.  Clearly, she expected quite the battle.  Leia would hate to disappoint her Commander-At-Arms on that point, so she'd be sure to leave enough Rebels to quench Smashbolt's bloodlust.  Still, Leia could detect a hint of uncertainty in her protege's thoughts, unsettling and unsure.  It was curious to Leia, as the woman had never before gone into battle with such thoughts.  More importantly, Smashbolt normally held a great deal of mental fortitude, prohibiting even Leia from reading her thoughts easily.  That thought unsettled Leia, though briefly.  She attributed it to the coming battle, combined with the fact that Smashbolt had never faced a Jedi before, much less Jedi Masters.  "Calm yourself, young lady," said Leia to the other woman.  "I can sense your uneasiness, and it is unwarranted.  We shall be victorious in this battle as we are in any other.  Do not fear these Jedi, they don't possess the power or strength that I do.  They are no match for us."
     "Yes, Mistress," replied Smashbolt.  She was disappointed in herself for letting her guard down at all, so she steeled her nerves and trudged on.  Instinctively, she drew her weapons, gifts from her Mistress.
     "Am I to presume you can sense things I cannot?" asked Leia.  "Why do you draw your weapons so soon?  I sense no imminent threats, other than a couple of scouts in the treeline to the West.  You act as if you are expecting something so soon."
     "You taught me to always expect an attack, and those trees to the West provide a heavy cover for an assassin or sniper.  It's where I'd set up if I was going to take an opening shot.  I'm just being prepared, nothing more," replied Smashbolt with a sense of confidence.  What she said made sense, and Leia could find no fault in her theory.  They continued to walk on, marching towards where here scouts had reconned the enemy camp.  As precaution, she unhooked her lightsabers from their loops on her belt.  Just in case.
     "Troopers, fan out, attack pattern Bravo.  Shock troops up front and grenadiers along the perimeter in the rear," shouted Smashbolt to the trailing battalion of troops.  "Heavy Artillery will march down the mid--"
     Smashbolt's sudden silence was preceded by a loud hiss, ending with a sharp snap.  Leia spun around to find her young assistant lying in the grass, her eyes wide open in shock, blood smeared across the side of her head.  Leia could detect no signs of life in her former protege.  For a moment, Leia could hardly believe it.  She could sense no impending attack, and yet the only woman Leia had any faith in other than herself lay dead in the grass.  "Squad, into those trees and flush out the assailants!  No one lives, do you understand me?!?!"

*******************************************************************************************************************************************

     Mara Jade had done her job, as had her troopers.  They were already far from their sniping positions, and were well on their way to the rendezvous point with the rest of the Rebels.  She unhooked her lightsaber from her belt and slunk further into the woods, disappearing into them.  The opening gambit had been taken, and the plan was going accordingly.  She looked out onto the plains, and locked eyes with Darth Leia.  It won't be the last time she stared into those gleaming violet eyes.

Offline Tamer

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Re: In My Father's Footsteps
« Reply #104 on: May 11, 2011, 07:23:00 AM »
Oh yeah, Pat is writing again. Great new chapter Pat, on the front page!

I plan on getting into this in further detail once I get my chores done!