BLOWS AWAY DUST....Cough cough aaaaahhh chooooo
Man it's been a while.
Since last time I was on a lot has happened.
First I wanted my return check to get out of debt...well that didnt happen because the GOVERNMENT took my money to pay off my wifes student loans...UM WHY? They 12 grand from me, an unemployed father of four...I mean really?
So that hopes went down the drain. It has other longer parts to the story but this was the main important part.
After looking for work all summer and finding literally nothing.
AFTER applying for several jobs and not even getting a return screw you, Im still unemployed.
I talked it over with the wife and Ive decided to open my own lawn and garden business. So next season I hope it really takes off and I can be my own many without a boss telling me everything to do and not making jack out of it.
Summer started off awful. My dog was very ill and needed emergency surgery...well since I was broke I bared down for the worst and waited to watch her die. Fortunately my mom actually wanted to help me. Which doesn't happen a lot of the time.
My doggy is doing fine thanks to the great care my vet showed her. She is back to her normal self of being a loveable goof ball. Which was nice, but things seemed to go further down the crapper.
My summer ended well, not really at all. I woke up August 20th to my heart going crazy. I felt really really horrible. SO I got up and thought maybe it was a panic attack. So after doing some calming breathing and trying to relax it didnt stop.
So I got dressed and woke the wife up. WIth tears streaming down my face I told her I needed to go to the hospital. Thankfully it is only 2 miles away.
She tried to tell me it was only part of my panic attacks and I was fine that my pulse felt fine...I told her that it didnt. So as I went upstairs to tell my parents to watch the kids my dad started on me that there was nothing wrong and THAT I was fine...in my head I knew I wasn't.
So I went to the hospital and was admitted immediately.
I was in the ER for about five hours. I had a million tests done and a chest x rays.
It turns out I was suffering from an atrial fibrillation.
Once they got some meds into me and something for my nerves it passed.
All my blood tests came back normal except the fact I was majorly dehydrated.
AS IT turns out the day before I was out in the heat, while sick with an sinus infection, doing yard work for my parents all day.
The antibiotics I was on made me sun sensitive.
Thus making me even more dehydrated. In combination of being sick, stressed, and my blood pressure spiking made the attack come on.
The hospital wanted me too follow with a heart specialist. But in the mean time I had to take a heart med to make sure I didnt go back into it.
So that was totally not fun.
The meds made me feel like I was walking through water all the time. It slowed my heart down so much I barely felt it beat.
I got in touch with the heart doc and they told me I had to be on a monitor for a week. I was like OH GOOD CHRIST REALLY?
So the day later I got my heart monitor with it's own smart phone that monitored my heart and rate and pattern.
Walking around with that on and with the phone constantly with me, made me have a lot more respect for what Anakin had gone through as vader.
It was a debilitating time for me having to walk around waiting to go for the other tests, I had to wait two weeks after the er trip, and having to wear this contraption was horrible. All while looking at my wife and kids thinking I may not be able too see them grow up.
The day for the tests came, and too be totally honest I was scared so shitless I couldn't eat. I had an ekg, a stress test, another heart test that required me to be shot with radioactive isotopes and another test. All in a three hour period of hell.
I had to wait almost another two weeks to get all the results..back. Worrying every day that I wouldn't wake up to my wife or love and hug my kids...really stressed me and change me a great deal. It woke me up too a lot of things that I had either not paid attention too or just ignored.
I decided to get as right with God as best as I could. I started praying every day and thanking God for the time I was alive and with my wife and children in lue that something terrible would come out about the tests.
I finally had my consultation with the doc, and she had the demeanor of why are you here. In a positive way because she was baffled as to why this happened. My heart came back perfectly normal, which was a great removal of stress off of me.
She said I no longer had to see her WHICH if a person could emulate with their entire body a shit eating grin, yours truly sure as rain had it.
Through all of this, even before I lost my job, my wife and I found out that we were going to be parents again. So knowing this through all that made it worse on me.
The day is almost here too see what our new little one is going to be. We decided not find out the sex this time around as we have our boys and our girl so we wanted a surprise. She is due nov 8th, but the doc doesnt think she will make it too then. So it may be another october baby for us.
Through all these things I found I had more people who actually care than I had once known or thought about. Strangers/friends on facebook were more concerned than the majority of my own family, which hurt but also didnt given my relations with my family. I realized how many friends I actually have in this world and it made me feel really really good.
Something that stuck with me through all of this was a dream I had. I dreamt of my grandfather, who was never a soft man too be around. He was in his kitchen in my fathers home town of Coaldale PA....now understand I was never in that kitchen and have never seen pics of it. He, my grandmother, and my father lived above a bar that my grandparents worked at. He was wearing his bare keeping clothes and had all his hair, which I only ever saw in pictures. He said to sit down, everything was white in the room, bright white, and he said JoJo you have to calm down. He keep saying it over and over.....a week later I had the episode with my heart.
