Author Topic: MOAWP S1/E10: "Defenders of the Dark Empire" Part 2  (Read 3031 times)

Offline Darth Depressis

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MOAWP S1/E10: "Defenders of the Dark Empire" Part 2
« on: February 24, 2012, 02:31:59 PM »

Whill Temple-Tython-10 years after the Battle of Yavin IV



Han’s speeder comes to a halt outside a diminutive temple in severe disarray.

Ken: gee goly, a lil temple…

Luke Skywalker: rayf, ken come with me.



Luke and the young recruits crawl into the temple doorway.



Dilbun Vont: oh, so iz need dis many babysitters…

Han Solo: (loading an energy pack into an blaster rifle) wanna see how I earned my bloodstripe?

Whill Shaman Hall-Tython-10 years after the Battle of Yavin IV



Luke and his recruits crawl into a vast chamber where a dozen green gnome-like creatures sit Indian style meditating. Skywalker assumes a bowing position and enters a meditative state, Rayf and Ken follow suit.

Luke Skywalker: don’t bother boys, there eons into the nether realm of the force. We cannot catch up with them; our only hope is to find a younger one.

Ken: correct me if I’m wrong, but aren’t they the same race as yoda?



Luke Skywalker: your eyes can deceive you; I’m more inclined to believe they’ve assumed this form to prey upon my feelings.

Rayf Ysanna: (grabbing saber hilt) shifters?

Luke Skywalker: no our literal eyes Rayf! Force illusions aren’t very advanc…

A statuesque shaman awakes.



Yopple: (gravely) suspicious you are? Our true forms these are..yes. Help you we can… not.

Ken: but why!

Yopple: (gravely) elude us concept of choice does, infinite is the nature of the force…rooted in fate we are…accepting of physical actions the whill shaman are not. Knights of the Jedi….disrupt the flow…they do…clash with naturalness …Lords of the Sith…incite chaos…devour lives unnaturally.…

Luke Skywalker: I accept your admonishment; but implore you to reconsider. I am the student of a member of your species..surely your teachings must have bein…

Yopple: (gravely) sought solitude amongst the stars many of our kind have …sought our knowledge many have…understood it….few have…pollute the nether realm of the force!…some now do…natural is our communion within the nether realm….unnatural is it to imprint oneself…upon the nether realm. ..Twisted have our teachings been…



Luke Skywalker: twisted! the ability to forget how to die? I owe my life to interactions with force apparitions…..if only you shamans would dedicate yourselves to preserving life!

Yopple: (gravely) the guardians of peace and justice the Jedi are supposed to be…changed has this?

Luke Skywalker: while I respect your commitment to peace, I can assure you that the clone emperor only offers obliteration!…how do the whill shamans intend to sit upon their hands when all you’re left with are cauterized stumps?

Yopple: preservation of one’s self, bellies a lapse of faith in the natural currents of the force.



Ken: but…

Yopple: choice, we do not accept! The will of the force cannot be broken…

Luke Skywalker: may the force be with you.

Yopple; with all it is…despite greater concentrations.

Whill Temple-Tython-10 years after the Battle of Yavin IV



Dilbun Vont: (staring down blaster rifle) so ya gots any phoods?

At the mention of sustenance; the mighty Chewbacca starts foraging through the brush.

Han Solo: (looking away from vont) god damn it chewie, quit thinking with yur stomach!

Solusar and Solo break their boundary protection and focus on Vont. During their distraction, the masters of Teräs Käsi spring from the trees and overtake the Wookiee and New Republic agent.



After wounding Bey, Hoar lunges towards Solusar who attempts a force push. The crazed Tusken’s advance goes unchecked as solusar continues to stand his ground; unaffected via the Force Hoar hammers the Jedi with his Gaderffii stick, Solusar takes every blow.



The cybernetic Jedi descends upon the scene only to be picked off midair by the chaotic style of Arden Lyn. Amidst the chaos, Gir-Kybo-Ren Cha speeds over to the airspeeder, Vont jumps behind Ren, the swoop speeds away.



Dilbun Vont: (clinging to Swoop) betta not’ve used all mai kriffin Ysalamiri!



Gir-Kybo-Ren Cha: we’s only toasted a couple bags! You knows dare grease also keeps ya blocked from da kriffin jeti!

Dilbun Vont: (chugging a flask of Ysalamiri grease) if it haz to taste like dhis; don’t care if da bastages can sense me!

The swoop speeds into the dense forest, while at the entrance to the temple Captain Solo is the recipient of a severe thrashing from Arden Lyn.

Han Solo: (attempting to regain footing) ….dirty karkin steel hands!



Arden Lyn: (knocking solo out with a kick to the face) may a rancor pick his teeth with your bones!

Hoar: (Tusken battle cry while waving Gaderffii)

As Solo hits the dirt, Skywalker and his New Jedi Order recruits emerge from the entrance of the Whill Temple; at the sight of many defeated comrades young Ken sprints from the squat position required to navigate the diminutive structure.



Ken: (engaging lightsaber) I’ll save everyone!

Luke Skywalker: (bangs head attempting to jump to his feet) Ken! Noooo!



Rayf Ysanna: (attempting to catch ken) master! I cannot feel?

Luke Skywalker: it’s a Ysalamiri force void! Stop him!

The young Jedi hopeful is charged with brute force by the obese Thok whom wastes no time in effectively disabling the young human.



Skywalker can only watch as Arden Lyn abducts his young recruit and escapes aboard a rapidly departing landing craft which lifts into the skies as quickly as it appeared. Skywalker falls to his knees in disgrace.



Docking bay of the Ravager XIII-Orbit of Tython-10 years after the Battle of Yavin IV

Mere seconds after the shoddy landing craft settles upon its creaking landing gears, the ramp comes down and Gir-Kybo-Ren Cha speeds from the craft atop his swoop.



He is forced to abruptly veer away from the forms of Hayt and T’iaz whom stand at foot of the ramp. The burly biker crashes into a pile of rubbish as Vont leads the Masters of Teräs Käsi down the ramp with their captive.

Dilbun Vont: watch where yur goin dare, chubbs dats be valuable cargos…well if it ain’t the strum with a bite.

Hayt: (taking vont by the arm) at your service.



Vont chokes at the response to his underhanded advance, as the Dark Acolyte produces a hologram projector; wherein flares to life a representation of the Clone Emperor.

T’iaz: (holding Holo-projector and engaging lightsaber) his supreme majesty has concerns…

Clone Emperor: (via hologram) why does the Son of Vader still live!

Dilbun Vont: we gots da kriffin kid! Once you git yur keester in emm you can rain hell down upon da jeedai!



T’iaz: such insolence will not be….!

Clone Emperor: (via hologram) quit your speaking! Hayt; I believe it is time for you to convince Dilbun of his duties.

Hayt: (taking vont by the arm) as you wish.

Vont is led by Hayt from the docking bay, as the Dark Acolyte turns the Hologram projector towards the captive Jedi Recruit.



Clone Emperor: (via hologram) aww, such a young boy.

Ken: (exclaiming) leave me alone!

Clone Emperor: (via hologram) nice and stupid looking too.

Offline Tamer

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Re: MOAWP S1/E10: "Defenders of the Dark Empire" Part 2
« Reply #1 on: February 25, 2012, 07:40:15 AM »
Cool story, the update is now on the front page.

Thank you for sharing this with us.

Offline botwt

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Re: MOAWP S1/E10: "Defenders of the Dark Empire" Part 2
« Reply #2 on: February 25, 2012, 08:10:01 AM »
Thank you for sharing this with us.
Ditto, nice job!!

Offline CHEWIE

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Re: MOAWP S1/E10: "Defenders of the Dark Empire" Part 2
« Reply #3 on: February 27, 2012, 10:08:49 AM »
This was a nice follow up to the previous chapter, and the digital elements continue to improve.  Very well done!

 ;)

Offline Darth Depressis

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Re: MOAWP S1/E10: "Defenders of the Dark Empire" Part 2
« Reply #4 on: March 29, 2012, 07:59:53 PM »
Thanks for the bump,comments,acknowledgments...etc.
Hope this'll hold you over for awhile, as i'm currently
delving deeper into the digital realm. Parts 3 & 4
aside from being the climax to the Memoirs Dark Empire
trilogy could very well feature be my first fully digital cast.


Offline hangarbay94

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Re: MOAWP S1/E10: "Defenders of the Dark Empire" Part 2
« Reply #5 on: March 30, 2012, 03:06:34 AM »
DD,

Another great piece of work, I'm sure I've read it before, but I enjoyed reading it and looking at your superb images nonetheless.

I do have some points that I hope you would take as constructive. You are one of the most dedicated artists on this forum so I make these comments with the utmost respect for all of your hard work.

My first comment is regarding your regular inclusion of the location/time frame. Sometimes I feel you add "location/timeframe" before dialogue too frequently and it seems to break up the flow of the story.

I noticed that Han said the word God! The reference to "God" seemed to remove me from the Star Wars verse and into our own, it just didn't seem Star Wars.  

The other is just a personal comment on writing style. I find that the inclusion of names before dialogue also breaks up the story as it reads like a play and not a novel. I'd love to see these written as a piece of fan fiction with images breaking up the story.... 
 
Now before you think I don't like your work here are the positive points...

Amazing immerstive locations - Each new chapter takes me to somewhere I've never been before, I love your imagination and it has inspired my own work.

Very sharp dialogue - especially Vont's which ofen makes me laugh and gasp at the same time...

Amazing CGI work, which has been evolving as you have progressed.

Whether you take on-board my comments or not I will still very much enjoy your stories.

Jules ;D
« Last Edit: March 30, 2012, 10:27:19 AM by hangarbay94 »

Offline Darth Depressis

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Re: MOAWP S1/E10: "Defenders of the Dark Empire" Part 2
« Reply #6 on: April 06, 2012, 11:37:39 PM »
That's nice here's a sneak preview
of Defenders of the Dark Empire
Parts 3 & 4....

Edge of the Forest-Tython-10 years after the Battle of Yavin IV

Along the treacherous row of downed trees grapples the Mighty Chewbacca whom furiously pummels his would be assailants whom long ago attempted to flee; but once ignited the rage of the Wookiee cannot be relieved until its drawn all the blood of its prey.

Thok: (cowardly snorting)

The morbidly obese Gammorean champion stumbles along the brush amidst his Wookiee foes agile assualt; Chewie easily navigates the downed tree trunks raining anguish down upon Thok with his already blood spattered Ryyk blades. Thok attempts a last effort to defend himself as the Ryyk blades cut through his vibro-axe and burry themselves ’tween the Gamorrean’s head. The victory is not without consequence, as chewie attempts to pull his weapons from Thok’s corpse. Hoar attacks with renewed vigor at the sight of his fallen comrade; Chewbacca is taken from the behind with a series of brutal thrashes to his head by way of Gaderfifi stick.

Chewbacca: (barking with rage)

Hoar: (harsh howling)

Giving into total savagery; Chewie abandons his ceremonal blades and physically assails the Sand Person with a rapid series of slams. By fist and by foot the wookiee deprives the tusken of his superiority; Hoar looses mobility while approaching the edge of a cliff. Before allowing gravity’s embrace; the rage filled Chewbacca rips both of Hoar’s arms from their sockets and beats the defeated Tusken over the edge of the Cliff, as Hoar bounces from the jagged rocks the Mighty Chewbacca spews a ear popping Wookiee growl.

Offline hangarbay94

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Re: MOAWP S1/E10: "Defenders of the Dark Empire" Part 2
« Reply #7 on: April 07, 2012, 03:17:34 AM »
This excerpt describes a real fight in all its brutality and detail. You writing has always been gritty and thought evoking.