SO TRUE:-
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.
Remember half the people you know are below average.
42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how popular it remains ?
Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.
The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
Borrow money from a pessimist - they don't expect it back.
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.
Success always occurs in private and failure in full view.
The hardness of butter is directly proportional to the softness of the bread.
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the ability to reach it.
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
Change is inevitable except from vending machines.
If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving isn't for you.
HOLIDAY TIP #1:-
Never catch Snowflakes on your tongue until you are sure ALL of the birds have gone south for the winter.
WHY ?
Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak ?
Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is no money in the account ?
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet ?
Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle ?
Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard ?
Why did Kamikaze pilots wear helmets ?
Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp" ?
If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes ?
Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white ?
Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance ?
Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end you first try ?
How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures ?
Why do we try to keep the house as warm in winter as it was in the summer when we complained about the heat ?
How come you never hear father-in-law jokes ?
12 STEP INTERNET RECOVERY PROGRAM:-
1. I will have a cup of coffee in the morning and read my newspaper like I used to, before the Internet.
2. I will eat breakfast with a knife and fork and not with one hand typing.
3. I will get dressed before noon.
4. I will make an attempt to clean the house, wash clothes, and plan dinner before even thinking of the Internet.
5. I will sit down and write a letter to those unfortunate few friends and family that are Internet-deprived.
6. I will call someone on the phone who I cannot contact via the Internet.
7. I will read a book...if I still remember how.
8. I will listen to those around me and their needs and stop telling them to turn the TV down so I can hear the music on the Internet.
9. I will not be tempted during TV commercials to check for email.
10. I will try and get out of the house at least once a week, if it is necessary or not.
11. I will remember that my bank is not forgiving if I forget to balance my cheque-book because I was too busy on the Internet.
12 Last, but not least, I will remember that I must go to bed sometime
... and the Internet will always be there tomorrow!
