Author Topic: Light Shines Brightest When Darkness Falls - The Final Chapter  (Read 13916 times)

Offline Phatty

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Ok guys, I decided I wanted to try and write a short story.  I'm definitely no novelist by any stretch of the imagination, but I do have a decent thought process going on.  Perhaps when I'm done, we can all work on a visual photonovel, complete with customs made from my visions!  IN any case, here is chapter one...

     It’s been twelve long years since I’ve gone into self imposed exile.  I’ve watched my greatest friend, my only brother become my biggest failure.  I’ve felt the pain and anguish of watching my apprentice, my compatriot, fall to the Dark Side.  It’s not something I’d ever expected to witness, and yet I’ve relived those painful details repeatedly, every day, in my meditations with the Force.  The teachings I’ve come to know and trust tell me that it is not my fault, that his failures are not mine to bear.  However,  the reality of it all hangs over my shoulders like a cape made of ferrocrete.

     “You’re dwelling on the past again, my old friend.”

     “I try not to, Qui Gon.  I really do.  It haunts my dreams, whether I’m asleep or awake,” Obi Wan replied.  “I’ve searched my feelings through the Force, consulted with many Masters who’ve passed into the Force, and yet, I still feel weighed down.”

     “Every Jedi must face the decision whether to take the path of the Light, or travel the easy way, into the Dark,” came Qui-Gon.  His ethereal form shown brightly, even in the vibrant daylight of Tatooine’s twin suns.  Having him to help guide me in new facets of the Force has been very comforting.  You can learn a great deal at the Academy on Coruscant, even more from your Master while a padawan.  I never knew there was so much more to the living Force than what I’d learned alongside Master Jinn.  Yet here we are, learning how to prepare my own Force energies for use after death.  I’ve foreseen my future several times, and I must prepare.

     “Remember these lessons well, my old apprentice.  There is no more I can teach you in regards to the preparation of yourself when your destiny comes to pass,” Qui Gon said.  “It is becoming increasingly difficult to maintain my form these days.  I think, perhaps, there is a limit to my reappearing.”

     “Good bye for now, my Master.  I shall meditate on our teachings,” I said.  “You are my last friend in this great Universe of ours, I fear.”

     “No, Obi Wan.  You have others.  In time, they will seek you out,” came back the ghostly voice of my mentor.  What did he mean?  Has he foreseen something?  His words are curious, but I’ve at least learned to trust in the Force, regardless of how mysterious it has become.

     My Jedi robes have become tattered, faded by the intense heat and sunlight of the Jundland wastes.  My beard has grown thick, with the grey streaking more and more into it.  My Jedi discipline persists, and I keep my hair in a short, neat appearance.  I exercise daily, partake in 3 hours of lightsaber form training, and meditate for 8 hours a day.  It keeps my sanity rooted to reality, ever since I brought young Luke Skywalker to stay with his only relatives in the Universe.  Now, I watch over him, to ensure that one day the Jedi shall once again rise, to once again shed light in this dark galaxy.  So far, I’ve only had to react once, when Darth Maul had tracked me down here to Tatooine.  Thanks to me staying in peak physical form, I was able to engage him until Owen Lars got the drop on him and put a blaster rifle bolt through  his temple.  Luke is 12 years old, and I can feel the Force surge from him, a tempest of energy and life that he is completely unaware of as of yet.  He already feels stronger in the Force than Anakin did at his same age.  I often wonder, am I the right person to watch over Luke?  Are we doing right by not training him while young?  Will he be compelled to follow the Light, or push into the Dark when he matures as an adult?  Will he even know?  What’s more important, am I the right teacher for Luke?  I wasn’t able to help Anakin, wasn’t able to keep him from falling.  Will I repeat my sins?  Or will I learn from my mistakes, and propel Luke into his rightful place as the beginning of the Jedi Order?  Once again, I begin my meditations with more questions, than I do answers.
« Last Edit: December 20, 2010, 09:39:44 PM by Phatty »

Offline TheCloneCommander

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Re: Light Shines Brightest When Darkness Falls
« Reply #1 on: May 02, 2010, 07:03:14 PM »
that was a great read Pat! well done 100 times better then anything i could ever come up with, i could picture every thing in my mind, bring on the short stories of clan Skirata!!!

A well-built sniper rifle is a beautiful thing. Ours has two zoom modes, "Up close and personal" and "Hello, you're dead

Offline hangarbay94

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Re: Light Shines Brightest When Darkness Falls
« Reply #2 on: May 02, 2010, 07:18:30 PM »
Pat, you dark horse you...this is your calling my friend, that was every bit as good as some of the better Star Wars novels I've read. I agree with CC, I could also picture it I'm my mind, old school style. I love the setting, 13 years after Luke is left with his uncle must have been a dark time, possibly one of the most interesting from a fan of the original saga's point of view, and your choice of  Tatooine, being the first of the Star Wars planets encountered in the movies, always has a certain mystique surrounding it. 

That was a fabulous beginning to a story, it was so well written that I fear custom figures may take something away from it. Perhaps some Hangarbay'd images dotted in between the text here and there, nothing more.

I'd be up for working on this with you, but like I said, subtlety is probably the key with this one. 




Offline Phatty

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Re: Light Shines Brightest When Darkness Falls
« Reply #3 on: May 02, 2010, 07:24:17 PM »
Jules, if you'd want to do images to correlate with my little story, I'd be honored!  I'm working on chapter 2 right now.  I'm going to see how far I can take this story.  I plan to have 3 separate story arcs combine into the one by the end, so we'll see how it goes...

Offline dana.raye.smith

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Re: Light Shines Brightest When Darkness Falls
« Reply #4 on: May 02, 2010, 07:29:02 PM »
Great read thus far Pat. Really look foreward to more.
Nice to get a grip of others ideas of unknown parts of our favorite past time... or obsession.... whichever works for you.

Offline Phatty

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Re: Light Shines Brightest When Darkness Falls
« Reply #5 on: May 02, 2010, 08:23:57 PM »
Chapter 2....

   “Frag, these guys will not let up!” exclaimed Jedi Master Quinlan Vos.   It’s been 3 months of dodging the Imperial Commandos on the planet of Terminus, in the Terminus System located deep in Wild Space.  I had hoped to find some quiet out here in Wild Space, hidden among the many unusual and alien ships coming in and out of the shipping hubs here.  No one would think it odd to see a Kiffar out here.  I guessed wrong.  I can feel the presence of the Dark Side here, which means the ImpComms aren’t alone.  She’s with them, and she’s zeroing in on me through the Force.  I was successful in hiding Khaleen and Korto from these hunters, deep in the caves on Kashyyyk.  They’ll be safe there, protected by the Wookies who know they are there and are my kin.  They have sworn a blood oath to protect me and my family after I helped save them from those traitorous Clones who turned on their Jedi Generals.
    Every day, I feel more and more Jedi fall in battle, becoming one with the Force.  I’ve even felt a few turn to the Dark Side, their Dark energies sending ripples throughout the galaxy.  I know the feeling well, as I’ve fallen twice, only to be redeemed by the Light both times.  It is not a position I take casually, but I am familiar with what awaits those who fall.  I often find myself wondering in my meditations what shall ultimately become of the Jedi.  Are we to fade into oblivion, as we once doomed the Sith?  Will we rise again, as those same Sith had?  Or has our time in the Universe come to an ultimate demise?  I know thoughts like these lead to doubt and fear, which in turn turn to anger, and then to hate, and finally to suffering.  I know this path leads to the Dark Side.  I know this, yet I cannot help myself think these thoughts.  Anakin Skywalker, the child born of the Prophecy, destined to bring balance to the Force, had fallen to the Dark Side and became Darth Vader.  His power near limitless, though diminished slightly after his defeat by Kenobi.  Apparently, cybernetic replacements of actual tissue cannot maintain their hold on the Force.  Still, for as damaged as Skywalker was reported to have been, his powers have been augmented by his intense hatred and anger.  Entire planets have given up before a single shot was taken, simply upon hearing that Darth Vader was on their way.  I often wonder what it will take to bring him down.  Will there ever be a Jedi strong enough in the ways of the Light to end the reign of Vader and his Master, Emperor Palpatine?  Will one have to fall, to become that which they battle in order to win?  Can they come back to the Light, as I’ve done?  Once again, these are questions one such as I cannot ever hope to answer.  Master Yoda might be able to shed light on my questions, though I have no idea where to find him.  I’ve never felt him pass into the Force, though I cannot be certain he’s alive.
   A sizzling hot blast of laser fire snapped Master Vos back into the here and now.  The Imperial Commandos had him lined up and would not stop until they brought his head to their Dark Lord, or at least slow him down until Vader’s Sith Assassin could catch up and bring him down.  The mere mention of the Assassin’s name brought tears to a mother’s eyes, and cries from children.  Grown men shuddered at the mere mention of her. 
   Drawing upon the Force to pump energy into his body, Vos ran fast and leapt high, putting some distance between his black clad hunters.  Through the Force, he could count 8.  Vader had sent two full squads after him.  “I must be more important on the food chain than I had assumed,” mused Vos.  “Guess it’s time to thin the herd a bit then.” 
   Vos leapt high into a twisted black tree, the leaves a deep blood red with berries of the finest gold.  Nurba berries were tasty, but known to have a paralyzing effect with hallucinogenic after effects.  Quickly and quietly, Vos pressed the berries into a couple of the leaves, creating a paste.  After the nurba berries were adequately mashed up, the leaves were rolled into a tight coil and wrapped around a long nurba tree branch.  Imperial Commandos had armor virtually unsurpassed among any other Imperial trooper, but Vos knew precisely where to strike when needed.  Using the Force, Master Vos had hidden himself in the nurba tree behind a veil of holography.  He knew he still had little time, because he could feel the Assassin approach.  After he had 3 spears made up with the powerful neurotoxin of the nurba berry packed into the tips, Vos followed silently, from tree to tree, looking to pick off as many ImpComms as he could.

   “Hey Marzo, you have anything on your sensors?” asked Imperial Commando 8786, aka Thrust, through his helmet’s comms.  “I swear we were right behind him.  I know I missed his head by mere millimeters.”
   “Zip it, Thrust.  Keep your eyes peeled and your sensor array funning on full capacity.  These Jedi can fool both.”  Marzo, Imperial Commando 6662, was not in the mood to suffer unwarranted talk.  He’d been hunting Jedi Vos with his squad, Viper Squad, and another squad, Rhino Squad.  He didn’t want another squad’s help.  That meant that Vader didn’t have enough confidence in his squad’s abilities, and that angered Marzo.
   “Don’t get all in a furl, Marzo,” mocked Jezzer, squad leader of Rhino Squad.  “Vader sent out his B-Squad to dig under the rocks, and now the A-Squad is here to clean up the mess!”  Jezzer knew very well how to get under Marzo’s skin.  It had become a point of pride for Jezzer, actually.
   “I think I have something, Sarge.   A thermal spot about 4 clicks out.  Not quite big enough to be a man, but not very small, either.”  Vape was searching into the darkness, straining to see through the vaccuumous darkness at what might be triggering his sensors.
   Ssssssssssssssssshickt!  Before Vape could react or say anything, Marzo saw it: A makeshift spear had pierced Vape under the armpit, embedding itself in his heart.  Before he could even react, his whole world went dark.  Marzo had taken a spear directly through his neck, severing his head from his shoulders.
   “Get down and get in cover, formation Tango!” shouted Jezzer.  Both spears had come from different angles, but he was sure they all came from the same assailant.  “Vos!  Come out now while you can.  You took down 2 weaker Commandos, you won’t fare nearly as well against Rhino Squad.  Give up while you can, and I’ll end your life quickly, cleanly, and quietly.”  Jezzer knew Vos wouldn’t give up that easily, and was honestly hoping for a fight.  His answer came quick enough.
   Another spear found it’s target, this time through the armpit of Flash, his squad’s soldier.  The worst part was, it had come though the other side of Flash, and lodged itself into the ordinance pack of Total, his squad’s demolitions expert.  The bright explosion seared the eyes of the rest of the squads’ members who weren’t quick enough to shut them tight.  However, the damage had been done: 4 Commandos lay dead, and the remaining 4 had their helmets sensor arrays fried.  They were fighting with the eyes their cloners had given them.  Regardless, Jezzer liked his odds, even with two members of an alternate squad at his side.

“Not bad.  Not bad at all.  Got 4 of those damn Sithspawn with only three spears,” thought Vos.  The explosion that took out another Commando, and in turn, fried out the systems of the remaining Commandos had evened things out a bit.  Still, they needed to be dispatched quickly, as the Assassin drew ever closer.  While the remaining members of the Imperial Commandos regrouped and were giving out orders and taking positions, Vos prepared himself.  His lightsaber in one hand, his Master’s, Jedi Master Tholme, in the other, Quinlan Vos readied himself for the assault.  He could feel the Dark Side at the very edge of his mind, locked behind a wall of Light he had erected with the help of Tholme several years ago.  One false step could unleash the evil hidden in the darkest recesses of his psyche.  For Korto’s sake, he could never let that happen.  Once again, Master Vos drew deep into himself, gathered the Force in a storm of calm and serenity, and prepared.
   The Commandos were working on an elliptical sweep of the area, two keeping tabs on the trees, two on the ground.  Once the circle had become wide enough, and had surrounded him unknowingly, Vos leapt into action.  As he rapidly descended behind the nearest Commando, silently and gracefully, he ignited his twin lightsabers, one as green as emeralds, the other as blue as sapphires.  Striking down the nearest Commando brought the attention of the remaining three immediately.  A parry of Tholme’s lightsaber redirected one shot into another’s chest plate.  Suddenly, the clearing lit up in vermillion, as bolt after bolt of energy drained from the rifles and blasters of the Commandos.  Vos let himself go into a defensive trance of Form III, or the Soresu Form, deflecting shot after shot in several directions.  As he did so, Vos moved about the encirclement, trying to get nearer to another Commando.  Suddenly, he felt a twitch in the Force: Flash Grenade.  One of them was in the process of tossing a flash bang at Vos to stun him, ending his lightsaber survival routine.
   And there it was again.  That small part of him, the darkest parts of his psyche, calling to him.  In a blink in time, Vos sat on a precipice: Release his Dark Side to preserve his life or follow the Light and prepare himself for death.  There is no death, there is only the Force.  The mandate seemed to slow down time even further.  Quinlan Vos had thought he was prepared for death.  He had lived his life as a Jedi according to that belief.  But then, he met Khaleen, and then had fathered a son.  A son who needed to be taught how to use his potential.  A son who needed to know the difference between the Light Side and the Dark Side, and how to recognize the subtle differences between them.  It was in that instant, that the decision was made.

Offline hangarbay94

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Re: Light Shines Brightest When Darkness Falls
« Reply #6 on: May 03, 2010, 03:22:59 AM »
Pat, that was simply stunning, are you sure you aren't a writer by profession cos if you aren't you need to change jobs at once! I love the build up of drama, you have paced it perfectly. I have just finished reading Millennium Falcon which was a best seller, your stroy is every beit as good...God Damn it you have 'the touch' my friend.

This should be on the FP as it is something else...

I think with this, if you are wanting some sort of artwork I could use stock imagry in the same way I create banners, no customs, just artowrk. I could present the text in the artwork as well. Thoughts? anyway PM on it's way!

Offline wraithnine

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Re: Light Shines Brightest When Darkness Falls
« Reply #7 on: May 03, 2010, 06:04:07 AM »
pat what the hell are you doing !!   you should be bloody writing novels!!!!!!
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Offline Phatty

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Re: Light Shines Brightest When Darkness Falls
« Reply #8 on: May 03, 2010, 06:08:02 AM »
LOL!  Guys, your words humble me!  This is a project I've been wanting to try for quite some time, and figured what the Hell, I can try it out and can it if it sucks!  I had a much easier time of writing the second chapter than I did the first.  I hope to work on Chapter 3 tonight sometime, but we'll see what time allows.

Offline Phatty

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Re: Light Shines Brightest When Darkness Falls
« Reply #9 on: May 03, 2010, 07:38:52 PM »
And now, Chapter 3!


   The whole op was going to Hell, and Jezzer was at a temporary loss on how to stop it.  Rhino Squad’s been hunting Jedi for the greater part of the past ten years, and never have they encountered such a Jedi.  It was almost as if this Jedi had forsaken his teachings, and had become aggressive.
   “Tighten up formation,” Jezzer spat into his Helmet’s comms.  “We’re getting slaughtered, and I’ve had enough!”
   “Thrust is down.  Only you, Swoosh, and I are left,” came Doc’s voice.  Even Doc’s top rated medical skills weren’t bring Thrust back.  He was now all that remained of Viper Squad.
   “Keep pounding on him with blaster fire while I get a little surprise worked out,” giggled Swoosh.  Always have to keep an eye on that one.  Swoosh sometimes forgets he’s not indestructible.  “On three, cover your eyes.  It’s gonna be bright as a super nova real quick!”
   “Shab!  You need to think these plans of yours through better!  You’re going to get us killed in the process,” shouted Jezzer.
   “One!  Two!  Three!”
   And just like that, there was no more sound, only light.

   Building up all the Force energy Quinlan Vos could spare, preparing for the right moment, just before the flash bang went off.  As he felt the explosion trigger in the bomb, Vos vaulted himself high into the treetops, keeping his eyes closed, relying on the Force to guide him from tree to tree, limb to limb in an effort to escape for the moment.  For the briefest of moment, he had almost given into his weakness, almost called upon the dark place in his soul.  Why now?  What made this situation any more difficult, any more dangerous, than the events immediately after Order 66 was given?  This was very troublesome.  Was it the presence of the Sith Assassin, closing in on him in this forest?  Was it fatigue?  These questions would have to wait.   He needed to find a way off of this planet while he still could.
   Then it hit him: pain.  What happened?  Why was his leg dragging?  It felt like dead wood hanging from his torso.  Vos needed to find a place to regroup.
“Doc, is anyone viable?  Will bacta help, or do we collect their chits?” inquired Jezzer.
   “Sorry, Sarge.  They will be missed, but they are gone now.” Doc’s tone was downcast, his spirit was mourning, but he was visibly as steady as ever.  Jezzer made the immediate decision to incorporate Doc into Rhino Squad.  He’d already earned it.
   “Swoosh, what do you have for me?  It better be something good, because we’re not jumping planet with five ImpComms down and no Jedi slain.”  Jezzer’s anger was coming to a boil.  If he got his hands on a live Quinlan Vos, there would be much pain.
   “Can’t see any trace of him.  That was just a fraggin’ flash bang, not a true det.  There’s no way it would have vaped him out of existence.  I have no movement on my sensors, no heat signatures, and I can’t even hear leaves rustling.  This makes no se-AAACK!!!”
   “Swoosh!  Swoosh, what’s wrong?” shouted Doc as he sprinted over to his suddenly exasperated comrade.  “Jezzer, that Jedi is back, using his little tricks to choke out Swoosh!”
   No, this was not right.  Jedi did not stalk enemies, they did not torture their adversaries.  This was against all of the training Lord Vader himself had taught us.  Something else is here, and I can feel my very soul begin to turn to ice.
   With a sudden flash of crimson, Doc and Swoosh were silenced forever.  She was here, and she was not happy.  Vader’s Sith Assassin, Cheai Xatal had arrived.  A female Bothan, with fur as black as the blood of a Dianoga, eyes that glowed a sinister amber, even in the darkest of nights.  Her stare could make your soul whither before she stuck her lightsaber talons into your heart.  Wearing only a black, sleeveless tunic outlined in crimson and yellow, her claws gleamed in the light of the moons of Terminus.  Jezzer could make her out well enough without his helmet’s sensors, and he knew there would be no escape from her wrath.
   Cheai Xatal closed down her lightsabler gauntlets.  Instead of the traditional handled weapon, Xatal preferred twin specially designed gauntlets that sprouted four short lightsaber claws each, with a longer blade hidden on the bottom of her palms.  Jezzer had seen her once before in action.  It didn’t end up well for an entire platoon of Rebels.  “You’ve allowed the Jedi to escape,” bit Xatal.  Her anger seethed from her fur like radiant heat.  “Lord Vader will not tolerate your failures, and I will not allow it to continue any further.”
   “Mistress Xatal, I’m not any happier about the situation than you are.  This Jedi has fought like no other we’ve ever hunted.  He has actually attacked in return, turning from defensive to offensive.  We regrouped quick enough, but lost five men.  We were preparing to continue the hunt before you arrived and slew my soldiers.” The bitterness and anger was evident in Jezzer’s voice.
   “Tell me, how did Master Vos attack you?”  Cheai Xatal stalked around the bodies strewn about the battlefield, sniffing each victim for clues to their demise.
   The first assault came in the form of spears.  They were thrown hard enough to decapitate one and drive through two at once.  Another was cut down by his lightsaber.  He wielded two simultaneously, deflecting blaster fire from our rifles.  Doc found that the spears were tipped with some kind of local berry that would paralyze and cause hallucinations in whomever were pierced with by them.  Swoosh threw a flash bang to distract the Jedi, and when the effects cleared, he was no where to be found.”
   “So your incompetence has been complete.  You cannot obviously handle the simple task of bringing down one, weak Jedi.  You are no longer of any use to me.”
   The last thing Jezzer heard before he went to the Great Oblivion was the sound of Xatal’s lightsabler power up just before it plunged into his heart.
   “Master Kenobi, I fear something terrible is about to happen.”
   “Master Hett, so good of you to finally come see me.  I’ve felt your presence on this planet ever since you arrived, shortly after I did.  I assume you’ve fallen back in with your clan of Tusken Raiders?”
   “Yes, Master Kenobi.  After Order 66, it was all I knew to do.  I received your message from the Jedi Temple to stay away, and came back here once I began to feel the deaths of so many Jedi in the Force,” replied Jedi Master A’Sharaad Hett mournfully.  The human Jedi who was raised among the Tuskens by his father, Sharaad Hett, was still clad in his traditional Tusken garb.  The only semblance of his former life as a Servant of the Light were his two lightsabers, and his presence in the Force.
   “Why have you come to see me now,” inquired Obi-Wan.  While deep in his meditations, Obi-Wan could feel the turbulent emotions of the Tusken Jedi Master as he approached from deep beyond the Dune Sea.  Hett was correct, something terrible was happening, and he could feel the presence of the Dark Side at the heart of the matter.
   “I have felt a disturbance, though it is odd to me.  It’s not the same as when Palpatine revealed himself to be a Sith Lord, or when Order 66 was uttered into the ears of every Clone in the Grand Army.  It wasn’t even the same as when the great Anakin Skywalker fell to the Dark Side.  However, I do feel the Dark Side near this problem I sense.   I came to seek guidance from you.”
   “Why have you come to seek guidance from me, my friend?  How can I be of assistance?”  The matter was puzzling to Obi-Wan, but his curiosity has been peaked.
   “I feel the inner struggles of Master Vos.  I can tell he is a great distance from here, in a place I do not recognize in my visions, but I can feel his torment.  He is being hunted, as most Jedi have been, and he struggles.”
   “My friend, do not fear for Master Vos.  He is a highly capable Jedi, with a great deal of experience in many facets of the Force.  I’ve never known a problem that Vos could not get himself out of.  Tell me more of this vision.”
   “I see Master Vos, fleeing from tree to tree, trees black as night, with leaves the color of blood.  I see black clad soldiers hunting him, and in turn, a black furred creature of Dark Side energy following close behind.  I believe the creature to be Bothan, though I cannot be sure.  In itself, it doesn’t sound like much, but I see this creature’s claws, and they are made of crimson light.  I fear she is Sith, and she is hunting Master Vos.  However, it is not this vision that is most disturbing.”
   “That is most interesting, Master Hett.  Tell me, what is most disturbing in all of this.  I have not seen anything in my meditations, but I do feel something happening in the Force.  What, exactly, I cannot tell.” 
   I can feel the inner struggle Master Vos faces.  He is on a precipice, and he is contemplating drawing upon the Dark Side once again.  He is lost in a mix of hopelessness and fear, and I fear we may lose him to the Dark Side.  What’s worse, I can feel him rationalizing his own survival, weighed against the decision to turn.”
   “Have you and Master Vos had much contact while on Coruscant at the Jedi Temple?  Had you trained together?  Have you kept in contact with him after Order 66 was enacted?  How is it that you can feel so much of him, from such a great distance?”
   “Because, Master Kenobi, it is a decision I’ve weighed myself.  When does serving the Light blindly become a hindrance?  Master Vos has walked both sides for a very long time, and has always triumphed in his return.  When does utilizing the full mastery of the Force become more than just about Dark and Light?”  The intensity in A’Sharaad’s eyes shone with a fire that struck Obi-Wan in a way that made his hair stand up on his neck.
   “Master Hett, you should know what the consequences of such thoughts could bring!  Do you truly believe that you can walk on both sides of the Force and return to either side at your whim?  Do not turn from the Light, my friend.  No good can come from that, I promise you!”
   “How can you promise such things, Master Kenobi?” demanded Hett.  “We served the Light for centuries, and look where that has gotten us.  We are being hunted down like vermin, picked off like womp rats, and yet you lecture me on the merits of continuing my enslavement to the Light?  Perhaps the Masters were wrong.  Have you considered that for a moment?  Have you considered how Master Yoda, as old and as wise as he was, could have been wrong?  Could have been blinded by his arrogance in his belief that he was correct and others were wrong?  What if, true followers of the Light or the Dark are both wrong?  What if, true Jedi are meant to master both sides, in a delicate balance.  Master Vos has done just that, and has survived because of it.”
   “I cannot believe what I am hearing!  Do you truly believe what you are saying,” gasped Obi-Wan?  If you have come to me for guidance, we have much to discuss. However, I sense you have come here, not for guidance, but for confirmation.  I’m sorry, old friend, but I cannot condone what you are thinking.”
   “Who are you to tell me, or any other Jedi, what is right or wrong?  Your teachings have led to the destruction of the Jedi.  Your apprentice has fallen deeper than any before him.  He was to bring balance to the Force, and yet he has tipped it irreversibly to the Darkness, and it all comes from your teachings!” shouted Hett.
   “Anakin made his choices.  He chose to fall in love, against all mandates from the Jedi.  He chose to sacrifice his soul on the empty promise of a Sith Lord.  He chose to slaughter younglings and murder fellow Jedi.  He chose to follow Darth Sidious into taking over the galaxy.  Those were his choices. My teachings had nothing to do with that.”
   “And yet you presume to teach the next generation of Skywalker, don’t you?” chided Hett.  “Yes, Master Kenobi, I know all about the offspring of Skywalker.  I know full well how young Luke grows up with his uncle and aunt on the outskirts of Anchorhead.  Do you presume to be the only Jedi with a stake in the future of our Order?  Do you presume to be the one to train the boy, who I can feel throbbing in the Force?  When do you propose to do this?  He’s already too old to begin the training, as was taught to us.  So perhaps you, too, feel our teachings were wrong, and wish to right them.”
   “I make no assumptions-“
   “But you DO, Obi-Wan!  You DO assume to teach the boy.  I can feel it in you through the Force.  You wish to right the wrongs you committed with Anakin.  But you are still blind to the Force.  You still cling to the teachings that have ruined the Order.  You are still blind to the true potential of the Jedi, still refuse to accept that there is more to the Force than just playing sides.  You shall not train the boy, Obi-Wan.  You are not ready, you are not prepared.  I shall train him.  I go now, to take him from his family and raise him the way a true Jedi should be trained.”
   And at that moment, Obi-Wan could feel the chasm in the Force, growing ever wider.

Offline hangarbay94

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Re: Light Shines Brightest When Darkness Falls
« Reply #10 on: May 04, 2010, 12:05:46 AM »
Pat, how amazing was that? you have the skill my friend, no word of a lie this has the makings of a top quality novel.

I simply cannot fault your story telling, the pace and drama is steadily building. I love the characters, the locations and the timeline as well. The confrontation between Hett & Obi Wan is superbly played out.

You are a writer my friend....I am eagerly looking forward to the next chapter

Offline wraithnine

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Re: Light Shines Brightest When Darkness Falls
« Reply #11 on: May 04, 2010, 02:48:09 AM »
i demand you finish this story put it on paper bind it up ,and i'll bloody well buy a copy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Offline Phatty

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Re: Light Shines Brightest When Darkness Falls
« Reply #12 on: May 04, 2010, 04:26:24 AM »
Thanks, guys!  So far it's all flowing well out of me.  I'm hoping I have enough in me to complete this well, without ending it too soon or in less quality than I've put into it so far.

Offline hangarbay94

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Re: Light Shines Brightest When Darkness Falls
« Reply #13 on: May 04, 2010, 05:31:08 AM »
Pat, I got really stuck with Darkchild as I started it  not knowing how the story will end, it got really hard in the end, coupled with all of the other creative stuff I was doing I just crashed, so it's not easy...

If this is your first go at this, I think you have a natural talent, my comments aren't just there to give you a boost, they are from the heart and I am totally impressed. You must continue writing.


Offline Phatty

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Re: Light Shines Brightest When Darkness Falls
« Reply #14 on: May 04, 2010, 11:02:48 AM »
I do know how I want it to end, or at least the sketch of how I want it to end.  It's just maintaining the storyline from beginning to end, without getting boring or too ridiculous.  I'm at work today, so I probably won't get the next chapter done for a couple of days or so, maybe not til weekend.