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Author Topic: Durge Unleashed  (Read 3249 times)

Offline Project-Durge

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Durge Unleashed
« on: June 09, 2010, 01:06:00 PM »
Who am I? What am I.
Durge's brain is almost torn apart by the sudden rush of feeling that brought Durge back to the present.
He started to remember. The mandalorains killing his friend, working for the separatist, almost being destroyed by Skywalker.
He look around to find him self surrounded by people. “Look it’s awake". Panic soon floods Durge's already damaged brain as an armor casing swallows what is left of his body. "You are among friends Durge. We merely want to study you".

Durge soon find that he can move freely in his armor casing. He utters sentence barley a whisper. "Over my dead body".
Darkness fills Durge's mind as thousand of tiny needles inject a drug into his body. 
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

"That was a disapontment" the voice of Kandar said sadly as he down towards the lab. "What did you expect? That thing is ten thousand years old. Did you thing it would chat about the weather" the sound of Markenter voice echo across the hall.     
« Last Edit: June 09, 2010, 02:42:43 PM by Project-Durge »
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Offline hangarbay94

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Re: Durge Unleashed
« Reply #1 on: June 09, 2010, 01:49:59 PM »
PD, your story has real tension, it draws the reader in right from the start.

A couple of points if I may. I'm not one to talk as my spelling/grammar are crap, but knowing it I usually proof read my stories several times over before posting, I still miss some errors though. I found some simple errors in your story that you need to pick up on as it does effect the flow of the story.

You obviulsly have talent for story telling and I look forward to seeing how you get on with this.

Jules
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Offline Phatty

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Re: Durge Unleashed
« Reply #2 on: June 09, 2010, 02:02:45 PM »
Durge, I agree with Jules.  This has a great start to it, and is very intense.  I am eager to read more, but like Jules said, you have to proof read and such.  What I do is type it out in Microsoft Word, use the Spelling and grammar check, and then copy it and paste it here.  Looking forward to more!
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Offline Project-Durge

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Re: Durge Unleashed
« Reply #3 on: June 09, 2010, 02:43:49 PM »

Quote from: hangarbay94 on June 09, 2010, 01:49:59 PM
PD, your story has real tension, it draws the reader in right from the start.

A couple of points if I may. I'm not one to talk as my spelling/grammar are crap, but knowing it I usually proof read my stories several times over before posting, I still miss some errors though. I found some simple errors in your story that you need to pick up on as it does effect the flow of the story.

You obviulsly have talent for story telling and I look forward to seeing how you get on with this.

Jules
Quote from: Phatty on June 09, 2010, 02:02:45 PM
Durge, I agree with Jules.  This has a great start to it, and is very intense.  I am eager to read more, but like Jules said, you have to proof read and such.  What I do is type it out in Microsoft Word, use the Spelling and grammar check, and then copy it and paste it here.  Looking forward to more!

Thanks for the info. I am very glad that all of you like it.
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Offline bly272

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Re: Durge Unleashed
« Reply #4 on: June 09, 2010, 02:45:03 PM »
Great.  Hey would you like me to edit it like I did with light+darkness?
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Offline Project-Durge

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Part 2 Durge Unleashed
« Reply #5 on: June 09, 2010, 03:10:08 PM »
                                                                                   
I am awake.
They think they can control me but they are wrong.
I will kill them all.
The sound echoes from Durge’s armor. The metal of the armor clicks as Durge rises from the bed of tools that constructed his tome of metal.
Durge feels the armor give way when his real hand breaks away from his metal glove.
The Sharps of metal fall to the ground. An alarm sounds but Durge doesn’t care. Let his prey come to him. Let them come to die.

Four guards are station outside the door of Durges room. They barley have time to scream before Durge cuts their throats. The blood stains the floor while Durge laughs.

 
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Offline Irish Ninja 97

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Re: Durge Unleashed
« Reply #6 on: June 09, 2010, 03:14:32 PM »
Nice Read PD!
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Offline Project-Durge

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Part 3 Durge Unleashed
« Reply #7 on: June 09, 2010, 03:53:13 PM »
“Sir we have to evacuate project 109 is loose” the guard said this in a way that made Kandar’s nervous. “How could you let this happen” Kandar asked trying to mask his panic. He knew somewhere else in the building that thing was killing its way towards him.

Blood.
I have found the cowards.
Hiding behind the armor that does not protect them.
I dig my hands into the bodies and rip out the hearts. I will do that to them all.

“Prepare my ship. I am leaving this place and am not coming back.”
       
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Offline wraithnine

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Re: Durge Unleashed
« Reply #8 on: June 09, 2010, 03:56:20 PM »
an excellent read
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Offline Project-Durge

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Part 4 Durge Unleashed
« Reply #9 on: June 09, 2010, 04:19:21 PM »
The coward is found.
His heart will be ripped from his chest.
As I send my figures into the last of the men guarding him I know the pain is nothing compared to what his will be.
 
Kandar rushes towards his ship knowing that his own project could kill him at any time. “You can run but you can’t hide” the wretched voice of Durge rang in his ear. How could it come to this?

I smell him.
I feel him.
He soon will be mine.
I run towards him. What is this? A blaster? Pathetic.
I rip off his right leg. Savoring his screams. I open his chest letting the stomach acid  rush across his body. I smash his skull to pieces.
One down. One to go.  

« Last Edit: June 09, 2010, 04:21:53 PM by Project-Durge »
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Offline Project-Durge

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Part 5 Durge Unleashed
« Reply #10 on: June 10, 2010, 01:10:13 PM »
        Markenter wonder how such an important project could have gone so wrong. His great grandfather was the one how first recover Durge. That slab of flesh was a lifetime of research. All he had wanted to do was to make an important thing in his life. A large blast knocks Markenter from his trance. “Sir Project 109 is coming this way we must move if we are to survive”. So be it thought Markenter let him die at his own creation. Let him see its whole power.

I feel him.
He is calm.
Impossible no being could not be scared.
Durge’s brain was beginning to wear down a thousand years was more that his kind usually lived. Perhaps he thought this scientist could save him. 

           Markenter ran to meet Durge. He new that there was slim chance of survival but who cared all he had to live for was this. “Doctor Markenter I need you” the voice of Durge sounded weak and feeble. “I will not harm you I promise”. Markenter walked towards Durge half expecting to be killed. “You brain his running down isn’t it” Markenter voice was soft. The helmet of Durge nodded. “Come we must begin rebuilding you”. He smiled he was about to finish his grandfather legacy.           
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Offline Project-Durge

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Re: Durge Unleashed
« Reply #11 on: June 10, 2010, 02:13:33 PM »
this site was made by me  for fan fiction please join


http://starwarsfanfiction.webs.com/
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Offline Project-Durge

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Part 6 Durge Unleashed
« Reply #12 on: June 14, 2010, 12:54:04 PM »
        "Sir, we are ready to begin the operation" the timid voice of GR-JA56 said. Markenter smiled a smile of pure joy. "I will join you in a moment" his voice booming with convidence.

I am broken.

I am weak.

          The thoughts of Durge rang in his own hears. Once he had been feared by many but now all he was was a worm in a metal shell. But once he was fixed he would hunt down Skywalker and destroy him!

         Markenter look longening at the hated mask of Durge. Soon he would use Durge towin the emporers favor. After all what better way to spread fear than using a monster that was already well know. Soon Durge would replace Vader!

 
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Offline Irish Ninja 97

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Re: Durge Unleashed
« Reply #13 on: June 14, 2010, 01:16:49 PM »
Good read!
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As do I. It is our lot in life, Master. Shall we find something to kill to cheer us up?
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Offline darth neo

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Re: Durge Unleashed
« Reply #14 on: June 19, 2010, 11:13:54 AM »
wow this is tense
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