Topic: CHAPTER 5 THE MYSTERIOUS FIGURE

[beige-4]

BEIGE SQUADRON




Beige 1 : kal haret
Kal haret a former imperial pilot from oridia , he graduated in the rebellion showing skill and leadership he was moved to beige squadron witch was being made at the time

Beige 2 : jannas “ dummy “ oljuk
Jannas oljuk is from the planet harumeed , he was not smart at IQ tests and only reached 29% witch gives him his nickname dummy  ,  the only thing he was smart at was piloting .

Beige 3 : bor’in  iom
Bor’in iom , born in tattooine bor’in was a close friend of the young Anakin skywalker often racing Anakin in his fathers landspeeder witch was later sold to the lars family . the older of the squadron bor’in use’s his swift piloting skills to work with kal haret in daring situations .

Beige 4 : gak roma
Gak roma was found in a box on a alderanian  transport raised as a alderaan citizen he met leia organa , they had a fling with eachother but organa set life for the rebellion and had no time for gak . gak tried to impress her by joining a fighter squadron but leia was always near han solo , a rival of gak .


Beige 5: onad trewe
Onad trewe was born in correlia , a true smuggler he set out for the stars but later prisoned by the viraxo gang . freed by his own wit he escaped when the space station was under attack by the azzameens , he later joined the rebellion and was moved to beige squadron .


Beige 6 : kreig effer
Kreig started his life as a rioter in imperial city , after a injury witch made him stay in hospital for 2 years he joined the rebellion .


Beige 7 : nem juder
Not much is known of nem juder except that he was a slave to the royal family of daruta .


Beige 8 : jerret gol
a jedi from pantora jerret was pursued by the imperials , he fled to the rebellion
where he began his fighter practice in his delta 7b witch he was allowed to keep by the rebel officers and generals.

beige 9 : mawen xong
mawen xong is a hotshot pilot who barely made it through practice .

[Project-Durge]

What the heck is this?!

[Phatty]

Wattoh, we've done this before.  You have 3 days to post a fan fiction to go with this or I'm deleting it.

[Project-Durge]

This is starting to get on are nerves!

[beige-4]

Chapter 1

“ hey “ mumbled gak as he walked towards his bunk “ alright ? you seem a bit down kid “  asked kal “ what is there to be happy about ? “ responded gak “ well were  on a mission tomorrow isn’t it your first ? “ grumbled kal “ yeah “ in a sarcastic voice he said “ can’t wait “  “ don’t be like that kid , just because that princess dumped ya don’t mean ya can get all grumpy about it “ breathed kal . gak jumped on the bed and got his helmet and started bouncing it around in his hands “ I suppose , but guess who’s she flirting with ? “  toned gak “ that han guy right ? “   “ yeah , my worst enemy “ said gak . the door opened and jerret the jedi stood there “ I could feel your emotions through the force , are you okay ? “ asked jerret “ FINE! Just stop asking questions , ive had a rough day and I need to sleep “ shouted gak
“ okay “ responded jerret closing the door and walking away .

Jannas walked along the corridor and passed room 7 , about to open the door he jumped as a finger poked him on the shoulder “ what is it boss “ he said as he saw the 40 year old man “ I was just wondering aren’t you meant to sleep in corridor b ? “
Asked bor’in “ erm yah boss I was just erm well I “ stammered jannas whose dumbness retained him at times “ you’ve gotta girlfriend ah see “ emphasizing each word , “ n.. no boss just erm checking to see how erm “ jannas looked at the door and read the words “ leia organa is boss “ hardly able to say each word “ umkay don’t do anything bad “ said bor’in  , the man walked down the corridor and turned left “ phew “ whistled jannas “ hey leia its me jannas its bout gak he’s um really upset ya know “
“ come in jannas the doors unlocked and its only me “ mumbled leia
Jannas opened the door and went to sit on her bed “ gak is really really sad ya know “ said jannas “ well I didn’t mean to hurt his feelings but ive moved on “ soothed leia
“ well well could you tell him please “ asked jannas “ sure now can you go its late and I need to slep im planning your attack tomorrow “ said leia , jannas got up and walked to the door “ bye “ he mumbled as he opened the door and ran to his corridor .

[beige-4]

CHAPTER 2

“ beige 1 “ “ beige 2 “ “ beige 3 “ “ beige 4 “  “ beige 5 “ “ beige 6 “ “ beige 7 “ “ beige 8 general “ “ beige 9 “
“ okay men lets move to sector 78m above the citadel over” ordered kal “ yes sir “
Beige 4’s ship swooped in to the sector “ sir im going in “ reported gak “ alright beige 5 support him “ responded kal , the x-wings rode over the buildings blasting at imperial ties . “ SIR! My radar is picking up 7 star destroyers coming out of hyperspace “ shouted kreig , beige 6 , “ dang im going to report to the epilogue “ mumbled kal “ epilogue this is beige leader 7 star destroyers have just left hyperspace bring in visor squadron and leave here we’ll find a way out “ ordered beige leader “ err copy that were bringing gun squadron with the visor squad “ groaned the bridge operator “ good choice “ mumbled kal .


“ beige 9 beige 6 move to sector 79k “ said kal “ yes sir “ their x-wings dived towards the streets  “ IM HIT ! under carriage is burning off im gunna crash “ shouted beige 9 . the x-wing screeched across the ground with mini fires burning across the hull , a tiny figure leapt out the ship and was blasted down by stormtroopers witch were running towards the crash site .” beige 9 is down “ reported beige 6 , who was blasting cannons witch were sprouted across the ground . visor and gun squadron rained down the atmosphere with over 10 tie/in fighter squadrons on their tails “ beige leader were under heavy fire were on route to your position we need help visor leader out “ .  “ err yeah were busy here too im sending 3 fighters to help you though “ “ beige 4 beige 8 beige 5 get to those damned visor guys and help em out ! “ shouted kal “ sir were converging on their position were  nearly in range to fire torpedos in range guys fire in the ha-  aghhh im hit im hit im hit ! “ screamed beige 4 as his cockpit engulfed in flames .  beige 4’s ship striked down to the ground the cockpit opened and gaks near burned husk crawled out with fire burning his legs .

[Phatty]

Wattoh, this is looking much better.  Your work is improving.  The only suggestion I have is to separate the dialogue lines more so that they don't appear to run together.  Otherwise, this may be your best work to date.

[beige-4]

CHAPTER 3 SMALL TIME RESCUE

“   No! “  screamed Jannas when all of a sudden gak’s ship bursted into flames and mini explosions . Jannas glided his x-wing towards the crashed ship . Gak was jannas’s best friend , they both cared and respected each other gravely , it was horrible for Jannas  . as he glided towards his friend he fired at the white blobs blasting at the burnt ship and then landed near Gak’s ship . He unlocked the safety hatch and leaped out of the cockpit and ran to a slithering gak who was on the floor burning . “ gak get up in my ship ill help you ! “ shouted jannas as he whipped gak’s burning legs , he got him up and shoved him in the cockpit and withdrew a blaster pistol and told his brown domed astromech to fly him to safety . Jannas blasted at the converging stormtroopers , he scored five dead before he got hit in the  shoulder , the x-wing carrying gak lifted off and jannas ran behind gaks burnt ship tor reload . he heard a few explosions and looked at the battlefield , x-wings swarmed across the battle field . a smile lifted upon jannas face , but a dark figure loomed over him with it came a growing mist .

[beige-4]

                                             CHAPTER 4 THE ARISEN
“ I sense the dark side ! im going down to help jannas !” said jerret “ oh no you don’t , jannas is dead we can’t do anything “ exclaimed kal , without warning jerret’s delta 7b flew down to help the stranded rebel pilot , jerret pressed the button for landing procedures and opened the bubble which was the only barrier from space and him . jerret jumped out of the ship and unhooked his lightsaber , holding it in a defence form he side-walked around the burning ship he saw jannas on the hull being
Force strangled  by a woman in a black suit with red and black tattoos covering her face also fangs sprouted from black lips . she hissed and ignited a red lightsaber , a mist lay at her feet covering her shins . “ I feel the force in you rebel are you jedi ? “ she asked in a shrill voice “ I maybe , leave this man alone you want me witch !” ordered jerret igniting his aqua shaded lightsaber “ the sith will rise and destroy every last jedi we find “ hissed the woman “ and who is we ? “ asked jerret with a slight annoying tone “ the white troops of vader “ her tongue sprouted out her mouth as if to lick his heart off a holotable , seven stormtroopers came out the mist one helmetless and nemoidian  each had lightsabers and blasters “ your under arrest jedi were the empires glove a secret formation serving arisen sith , we’ve been trained by the emperor himself , stand down now ! “

[hannsfartknocker]

great. this sstory is interesting

[beige-4]

thanks 

[beige-4]

Two more men walked out of the mist they weren’t stormtroopers “ lady greth stand down , I have special order’s from darth raven to take these scoundrels to darth mirrok . do you understand ? “ said the 1st man “ yes assassin I do understand but for what reason ? “ asked lady greth “ THAT is none of your business minor “ said the 2nd man
“ and what if I don’t comply ? “ said jerret “ then … you shall be taken by force “ a evil glow began to circle the mans yellow eyes “ not if I can help it “ said jerret as he opted for his most perfected defence stance “ that is your choice jerret gol “ said the assassin , the assassin and his companion strolled towards jerret , igniting their lightsabers the 2nd man said “ well jerret you leave us no option but .. “ “Stand down foolish assassins “interrupted a zabrak “I need this pantoran “the long horned zabrak nodded towards the rebel jedi “and who are you? “Asked the 1st man “you will find that out when the undertaker writes my name on your tombstone!” said the zabrak , who had sith paintings covering his chest arms and head .

[beige-4]

please people  can you comment ?

[kreeper2]

Its a good story bro but it tends to rumble on at times. With a bit more practice you  should become a great  writer of fan fic. remember practice makes perfect. Over all a good story!!